I think I just did the most exciting load of washing I will ever do in my entire life. Fairy Non-Bio? Check. Fairy Fabric Softener? Check. Little tiny ridiculously cute baby-grows, blankets and other hard-to-believe-these-will-fit-a-human items? Check. I think I looked in the washing machine window about five times, partly because I was paranoid that the yellow clothes would run in to the whites and creams. In reality, I just wanted to see the little baby clothes swirl around in all their cuteness and glory.
The washing machine cycle finished and I heard the little noise. I probably ran down the stairs too fast and then spent the next ten minutes smelling every single item individually, feeling how soft they were, and carefully placing them on the clothes horse. Each item smelled more gorgeous than the last. The people at Fairy are doing a great job to be fair. My boyfriend was sitting at the kitchen table studying for exams and I kept handing him things to touch and smell. It was just surreal. These are real baby clothes, clothes for OUR baby. We will have a baby. A little bit of me, and a little bit of him. These are the actual clothes that I will pack (or re-pack) in my hospital bag. These are the first items of clothes that this tiny little perfect person will ever wear. "What if he or she doesn't like yellow?" I joked. Then I went back to my smelling. Some of the vests are just ridiculous in size. They would literally make you want to cry. With happiness that is. Some say for a newborn of 7.5lb or so, some say 'up to three months' and each of them, in their own little way, remind me of being a little girl and dressing my baby born. I remember it was such a novelty that you fed her actual food, and she actually wet her nappy and needed it changed. Then I grew up and I was too old for dolls.
Somewhere in the growing up I realised that my ambition in life was to be a mother. I have other goals and desires but deep down this was my ultimate dream. In the midst of the dreaming I ended up here, in this moment, with exactly 38 days till my due date. The biggest life-change I will ever experience. A real baby born. Except, I won't grow too old for this one. Maybe it will grow too old for me? But it will need me forever, and I'll need it even more.
In a few weeks time life as we know it will change forever. It won't be just him and I. It will be him, I, and the most perfect little human being we have ever had the honour to meet. The kicks and tumbles are stronger, and so is the love, and I wonder if I will ever be as excited in my entire life to put on a 40' Degree wash on a Sunday afternoon.